The Big Green House

The horror, the horror

A) I left my glasses at home. Now, my head hurts. Specifically, my eyes. (Go figure.)
B) NASCAR in Marysville. I’m not gonna go into great detail about it, (see A, above), but this is a dark day for Snohomish County. People move there to get away from traffic and noise, not to have it come to them. I think the mayor of Marysville & the county executives up there are in for a rude awakening – namely, several thousand disgruntled constituents wondering why this boondoggle is being shoved down their throats. Leaving aside the evil nature of motor “sports”, ripping up farmland for a race track is not what this area needs.

Didn't see that one comin', didya?

Tom Leykis Kicked in the Head

Ordinarily I frown on resorting to violence to express one’s displeasure with the actions of another. However, when the “victim” is such an unmitigated asshole… well, it’s still wrong, of course, but not wrong enough to keep me from laughing really hard. What I want to know is, where are the pictures?

Grrrr. Arrrrgh.

This has put me in a slightly better frame of mind: Top 10 Most Ridiculous Black Metal Pics of All Time

Because if you can’t take the time to laugh at these guys, then the terrorists/Republicans (chose one) have already won.

(Link via John & Belle Have A Blog.)

I hate Seafair, part II

Imagine
this
in
your
neighborhood.

I hate Seafair

We’ve begun preparations for our flight (no pun intended) from the Blue Angels of Death this weekend. Martin (the cat) will be spending the weekend with Science Mom; she lives sufficiently far north that the jet noise is not much of a problem. Science Girl, Lucy and I will be buggin’ out for Tahuya, way down south in Mason County.

I’m not happy about being forced out of our home for the weekend. I try to look at it as another small vacation, but the fact of the matter is that our lives are being disrupted by pointless, dangerous activity that’s being used for propaganda purposes. Correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t that what terrorists do? Not this time out – it’s the US Navy. Your tax dollars at work: flying military aircraft at 700 MPH 50 feet above the deck in a densely populated urban area, all so the yokels can ohh and ahh at the loud fast shinies.

Fuck that.

Questions?

“What’s wrong with you? It’s just good clean fun!” Well, I disagree. It might be fun for you; you probably don’t live under the flight path, do ya? My blood pressure’s high enough as it is, thanks.

“You’re not patriotic.” Um, what’s that got to do with it? Look, generally speaking I enjoy being American. It’s embarrassing at times, but on the whole I dig it. What I don’t dig is anyone flying that close to my house, military or otherwise. Also, that’s not a question.

“You’re a killjoy.” Possibly. Wouldn’t be the first time I’ve heard that one. I tell you what, though: if you were inside our house and had F/A-18 Hornets flying directly overhead for hours at a stretch, saw the cat basically shitting himself trying to run for cover, heard the dog screaming in fear for her life, saw the windows literally bowing in and out from the sound, had that goddamn NOISE right there in your head, I’ll bet it would change your idea about what’s “good clean fun” and what’s not.

“You’re a NIMBY.” Hmmm. Yeah, I suppose you’ve got me there. Look, if y’all want to watch airplanes flying around, you should have that right. Just as we should have the right not to be assailed by it every year. If this were taking place somewhere less populated… well, I’d still think it was a waste of time and resources, but at least it would leave us in peace.

As it is, we don’t really have much choice but to leave. I’m very tempted indeed to send a bill to the Seafair organizers for our expenses for the weekend. I doubt it would accomplish much, but at least I’d feel a little better. I’d boycott the sponsors, but I don’t use any of those products as it is. Also, one-man boycotts have been shown to be fairly ineffective.

I see a red door and I want it painted black

I’m in such a bad mood. Continued hot & sunny weather and very little sleep last night, blah blah blah. So, for your dining and dancing pleasure, I bring you a selection of our finest mean-spirited, pointless rants. Enjoy!

First off, and foremost in my mind: the next ignorant motherfucker with a cell phone to his* ear who expects me to slam on my brakes as he steps off the curb in front of my car after I’ve already begun my turn is gonna wake up in the hospital with treadmarks across his legs and that Nokia up his ass. Fair warning, all right? I will crush you and your cute little phone. Bank on it.

Next: we have a neighbor who employs a gardening service. Actually, almost everyone in the neighborhood does. We don’t, our immediate neighbors on either side don’t, and the folks kitty-corner from us don’t. The neighbor I’m thinking of is just up the block a bit. As if it matters. The point is, this neighbor has the gardener out there with the leaf-blower every Wednesday of the world, rain or shine, 9 AM sharp. I’m willing to overlook it during the fall, because we get a lot of leaves on our street. But dude, it’s the middle of the god-forsaken summer – THERE ARE NO LEAVES TO BLOW. Doesn’t matter. And I’m not blaming the gardener, either. Every time I’ve run into him while he’s blowing the dust microbes around, he gives me a sheepish grin of the “I know this is pointless, but the guy pays me, so…” type. He’s just doing his job. I’ll be sure to spare him when the revolution comes and I am named Emperor of the Known World. I will ban his leaf-blower, though, right along with snowmobiles, personal watercraft, SUVs (unless you can prove that you actually need one), ATVs (ditto), and the afore-mentioned cell phones.

Last on the hate parade: people who refer to some action they don’t care much for as being “typically liberal”, or, for that matter, “typically conservative”. That’s some lazy-ass thinking, you know it? I’ve known folks from both sides of the aisle, and neither has a monopoly on good or bad behavior. I’ve known conservatives who were wonderful people aside from their unfathomable (to me) politics, just as I can think of a couple of dyed-in-the-wool liberals who are complete and utter assholes. As much as you may disagree with a set of ideals, you just end up looking like a real dipshit when you try to tar everybody who holds them with the same brush. Knock it off.

OK, that last one’s not so mean spirited, I guess. You can’t blame a guy for trying.

*Women are not exempted. Since we don’t have generic non-gendered pronouns and I’m in no mood to dick around with “his/her” tonight, we’re goin’ with the masculine. Got a problem with that? Bring it on.

Win one for the pooper

I still check in on the old place every now and again, just to make sure nobody’s trashing things. It gets a couple – five hits a day, mostly from various searches. Kinda like a smaller version of this place, really. Anyway, somebody found their way there today through this search. I am so very curious as to the context that came from. I like to think that it’s political commentary of some sort, but I guess I’ll never know for sure.

And just a reminder: you really need to be at the Crocodile Cafe tomorrow night. Why live a life of tormented regret? Come on down and do your part to remove the current regime. Bush, Cheney, Rummy, Condi, Ashcroft… they’ve all got to go. After all, they are all big piles of feces, you know.

Show Biz kids, makin' movies of themselves

The reunion. Well. Let me lay a little groundwork first, OK? Science Girl was fortunate enough to qualify for a scholarship to a very well-known, very expensive private school. If I were at liberty to divulge the names of some of the alumni, you would definitely recognize a few of them. Let’s just say that there have been a few sons and daughters of national politicians, sports figures, etc., who have attended the school, not to mention a few folks who’ve gone on to become international captains of industry*.

This blog is SUV negative

While I was out running errands over the weekend, at one point I found myself driving ahead of an Escalade. I ask you, in all seriousness: what kind of pinhead drives such an obnoxious car? It rivals the Hummer in stupidity, which is akin to rivaling the state of Utah in Mormon population. Both vehicles are just absolutely, irredeemably butt-ugly, and both are, to use Science Girl’s astute observation, as big as a studio apartment. They can’t be much fun to drive, at that size, and they must be an absolute bitch to park. And at those prices, you wouldn’t dare take them off-road (as if more than 5% of SUVs in America have ever even parked on the shoulder of the road, much less actually driven off of it). What possible reason could there be for such a grotesque means of transportation, aside from the driver’s desperate plea for attention? Compensation for tiny genitalia? How else can you explain it?

Speaking of hideous design, our new library is set to open May 23. Perhaps you saw the article in yesterday’s New York Times? Tell me, please: how come all our new buildings are bent? Do you have to pay extra for something that doesn’t look like it needs a good nap? Or is Seattle becoming the dumping ground for expensive yet crappy architecture? Our skyline is rapidly becoming an eyesore.

We’ve been had. Again. Koolhaas and Gehry must be laughing themselves sick. I picture them sitting in the bar of the Architect’s Club, giggling hysterically into their gin & tonics and periodically high-fiving each other. Mark my word. Our children will be shaking their heads at this stuff the way we shake our heads at all those concrete boxes that everyone thought were so cutting-edge back in the 60’s and 70’s.

Ewwwwww!

To the spammer who just offered to show me “exclusive shots of Jeff Goldblum and Lisa Marie on the beach having sex”: Dude! Thanks for soiling my mind’s eye with that particular image! Why would I want to see pix of a giant praying mantis schtupping Elvis’ daughter? No thanks.

Also, this is just… wrong.