The Big Green House: The emperor's new critic

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“Maybe it’s time to retire the term ‘retro-rock.’” So begins the latest installment in the ongoing train-wreck that is Kelefa Sanneh’s tenure at the New York Times. (Here’s a link.) Sanneh is swiftly surpassing David Crosby as the sand in my swimtrunks, musically speaking. His writing is very much like the pop music that he champions. It’s built to look and sound pretty, but it doesn’t bear much in the way of scrutiny. In the case of pop music, that’s fine – pop is meant to be fluff, generally speaking. If you’re covering music for the alleged “newspaper of record”, though, there should be a little more there there, don’t you think?

Sanneh is of the belief that rock & roll is about as relevant to the world of music as the codpiece is to everyday male attire. This is demonstrated by his use of the term “old-fashioned rock” anytime he refers to the genre. He condescends to cover it only because his beloved charts indicate that, contrary to his fervent wishes, it hasn’t quite died off yet. That’s not gonna stop him from getting in a few digs, though, ‘cause it’s not shiny and happy and sometimes it even challenges the listener. These are, apparently, bad traits in an art form.

Last year he wrote a big piece about “rockism” and how straight white male critics just didn’t get the new pop zeitgeist, how their inherent prejudices blind them to the brilliance of whatever flavor of pop is topping the charts at the moment. (I spent a lot of time breaking his argument down into bite-sized chunks, if you’re interested.) Funny thing is, he’s displaying some of those very same prejudices himself. Let’s take a look at his review of Get Behind Me Satan, the new album by the White Stripes.

He spends his first couple of paragraphs showing that, for whatever reason, he can’t seem to venture far from the Top 40. He appears to be laboring under the illusion that all rock being put out these days is of the post-punk-ripoff sort, as popularized by “mainstream sensation” (his term, not mine) The Killers and “beloved Scottish cult (?) band Bloc Party”. Hence the reference to “retro-rock” above. He lauds the “galvanizing debut album” of… wait for it… The Strokes. Yup. And who’s that out there on “the extreme wing of retro”? Why, it’s none other those “rock & roll refuseniks, determined to follow their own rigorous rules”, “rock & roll’s greatest primitivists”, The White Stripes.

I write some stupid shit myself from time to time, but I trust that if I ever publish something as ghastly (and as incorrect) as that, one of y’all would have the kindness and mercy to smother me in my sleep.

He goes on to rave about Get Behind Me Satan. Now, to be absolutely above board here, I must note that I haven’t heard the album, aside from a couple of cuts on the radio. (they haven’t made me want to hear more of it, but I kinda wrote the White Stripes off awhile back.) In that light, I can’t really comment on his critique of it, other than to note that what seems to excite Sanneh most is the presence of instrumentation other than guitar and drums – other than the sound of the core band, in other words. Hmmm.

There’s one paragraph that I want to quote in it’s entirety, simply because it’s just so utterly clueless:

Then again, doesn't nostalgia always work that way? Isn't it impossible to love a singer or a song or a style without changing it, sharpening the features to match your own preconceptions? You might think that retro-rock bands would water down the music they borrow from, but the opposite tends to be true: everything comes back more vivid. The Killers' vision of 1980's new wave is more single-minded than anything that jumbled-up decade produced, just as Bloc Party is even more devoted to jittery guitars and clipped bass lines than its post-punk forebears Gang of Four, who are currently packing in young fans on the alt-rock oldies circuit.

The mind, she boggles.

Isn't it impossible to love a singer or a song or a style without changing it, sharpening the features to match your own preconceptions? Um, no. Not impossible at all. Loving a song is more about finding some aspect of yourself reflected in it, not warping its reflection to match your own. What Sanneh describes here is closer to narcissism than love. I think it says more than he really wanted to reveal.

You might think that retro-rock bands would water down the music they borrow from, but the opposite tends to be true: everything comes back more vivid. Really? The imitation trumps the innovation? I’m gonna have to call bullshit on that one. The reality of the situation is quite the reverse. I’ve yet to hear even one of the neo-post-punk bands bring anything new to the table. They capture the sound of the era, but the spirit of experimentation and originality is missing. It’s an empty rehash of someone else’s work.

To claim that The Killers' vision of 1980's new wave is more single-minded than anything that jumbled-up decade produced is to take up residence in the neighborhood of make-believe. I was there, dude, and unless I miss my bet Sanneh was too busy shitting his Garanimals at the time to notice what was going on. Don’t try to sell me your revisionist fantasies, ‘cause I ain’t buying. Ditto for Bloc Party is even more devoted to jittery guitars and clipped bass lines than its post-punk forebears Gang of Four. What the fuck does that even mean?

If Sanneh truly were interested in spotlighting some vital new rock, he’d be all over Sleater-Kinney’s The Woods like a tornado on a trailer park. I’m willing to bet that he won’t even touch it, though, unless it charts. At that point he’ll have to hold his nose and write it up, making snide remarks about Corin Tucker’s screeching voice and the ragged, pummeling guitars. Tell you what, Kelefa: you leave the raging Furies of Sleater-Kinney alone and I’ll do the same for the featherweight Cialis… oops, sorry, Ciara. I don’t wanna read your trainwreck, and you sure as hell don’t want to read mine. Deal?